Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
