I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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