this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
