I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
