with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
