he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
