So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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