I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
