she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
