Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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