Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
