Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
