y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
