remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
