Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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