Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
