There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
