I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
