"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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