yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
