Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
