we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
