I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
