I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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