Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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