Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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