Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
