Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
