And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
