could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
