So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
