Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
