i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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