watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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