It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
