Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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