I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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