Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
