The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
