Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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