Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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