i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
