next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
