Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
