I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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