Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
