you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
