He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
