mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
