well you can't waste a boner
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
